Yellow lines and tire marks, sunkissed skin and handlebars.

Well, today's my 3rd-to-last day at work at the bookstore for the summer! Woohoo! I'm going out with a bang, since today rather than sitting at the desk writing letters and reading all day I was packing/carrying huge boxes with 600 lb. books in them. Oh well, if my back breaks at least I'll get worker's comp! Also 25 of the miles which I drove today were heavily filled with smoke. Right FOREST FIRES in Lakeland! Don't worry, I haven't seen the flames yet.

ReepiJeep and I have been getting very close recently in my 30-mile-each-way commute to LOCB. I've also been bonding with Sara Bareilles, Jason Mraz, and of course JB every morning and evening. So that's great. ReepiJeep holds 70$ worth of gas, which is not great. You know money's tight when you drive on empty as long as you can, put 7$ in, the gas light stays on, and you drive to and from church with it on again. But that's ok because the Lord provides in surprising ways, like a long-lost-paycheck in my room which allowed for enough gas to get to/from work this week. :)

La and Gwen come in ONE WEEK and I'm so excited. Ready to be with them for a few days when I'm not working before Camp Friends. I leave for Camp Friends tour a week from next Wednesday! CRAZINESS. I thought this pre-camps segment of the summer would go slower (and honestly it seems like it's been a year since graduation, but only a couple of days of summer. Weird...Maybe because I'm sleeping a lot.) I'm so ready for tour though, in a completely terrified sort of way.

Things I'm praying for right now:
..That my prayer life will be stronger
..That my EmmaA. has strength and cheer this summer
..That my Kate can get love and encouragement from nannying and be a positive influence
..That I can be an influenced and not merely be influenced on CF tour
..That I won't get sick on CF tour (that's...a lot to ask. But I believe it can happen!!)
..That I'll be patient and steady in my lack-of-contact-with-William

9 weeks is a lot of campy-stuff. I'm so grateful for the opportunity and feel a lot of pressure. So pray that I can represent FC well but more importantly represent Jesus well this summer. Definitely out of my comfort zone, but hey, I guess most things that cause growth ARE out of my comfort zone. Also zone starts with a Z so I feel compelled to use the word ZETA here. #4life

Also I get really insecure about lots of things and choices and futures and what I'm doing with my life. So you might pray about that. I just need to let go and live right and let God lead me through green pastures.

"The blues are because you're getting fat, and maybe it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?" -Holly Golightly #breakfastattiffanys #firsttimeseeingit

Uhmmm. Ok. Well it's 4:38 and I close up at 5 so I'll go start dimming lights and turning up A/C and closing up shop (literally). EmmaA, I love that you blog now. It's my favorite. #sisterhood

EmmaA and JP (and Hayley and whoever else?) can we read something together this fall? Like a spiritual book club? #keepingontrack

Also, letter writing is my favorite thing as of late. It's like happy mail but since it's a letter you feel compelled to write more so it's like...really happy mail.

Also, the Korean guy from the nail salon next door literally stands outside my bookstore for 6 hours every day talking on his phone. WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO. That's all I want to know.

Summer hashtags: #hitchcock #mraz #jb #william #barnesandnoble #foggydayinlondontown #judges #textbooks #chocolatemilk #lackofCFA

Love.
ELB

"Don’t know why we fear the change when we've only just begun, because with fear comes hope the same, and tomorrow's gonna come."

Well, this past week has been one of the most emotional and transitional of my life thus far. Anyone who knows me well knows that I don't like change, surprise, transition, or not knowing what to expect. This past week was all about change and all about the end of an era, the end of a comfort zone. I said goodbye to countless friends, most of whom will be back at FC this fall with me. But most of the very closest won't. That's pretty hard for me to stomach. I'd be happy to just live at FC with these same people for a very, very long time. Last Thursday morning I said goodbye to Drew, the first of my best friends who isn't going to be back at FC next year. Friday I graduated college. COLLEGE. Saturday I said bye to Daniel and David, two of my biggest influences and closest mentors since I've been here. Sunday I said bye to Emma. What a week.

Any week of change, though, and the end of so many good things, can only inspire retrospection and thought and excitement for what's to come. I've been so blessed by these people and influences over the past two years, and I'm so blessed with the opportunities ahead of me.

Drew. . . .What a guy. I'm thankful for the laughs, spiritual discussions, duets, Pink Berry, sweet teas, early mornings at Starbucks, tears, arguments, puns. . . .He was my first best friend this year and I'll always be grateful for everything we've shared. Thanks to camp friends tour I'll get to hug him in less than a month, even though he won't be back at FC this fall.

Daniel and David. . . .Seriously two of the most amazing and Godly guys I have been privileged to know. I've known Daniel my entire life and just in the past two years have gotten to really know him spiritually and it's been such an honor. He's such a leader and yet such a servant. I'm grateful for every Bible study, prayer, long talk, laugh, and cry we've shared. I know he'll do amazing things. David Watson. . . .The ultimate Dave. So grateful for the time we've had at Lutz to grow and learn and for all the inside jokes and complete ridiculousness that are part of our friendship. He and Hannah have taught me so much about generosity and love and I'm so grateful for that.

Emma. . . .(and I'm not talking about myself) How ridiculous is it that we had to say goodbye?! My closest friend who knows me insanely well (she'd probably say TOO well). She's lived with me, put up with my mood swings and tendency to always be stressed, she's put up with my immaturity about boys and my severe caffeine addiction, she's put up with my messiness and my selfishness and somehow she still manages to be loving and sweet and so much fun to be around. I'll forever be grateful for God's plan in putting her in my life, and I'll forever consider her one of the best things that's ever happened to me, spiritually and emotionally. She seriously has changed my life and I hope we are always close enough that I will be able to keep learning from her for a very long time to come. California can't keep you away from me! "if i don't get married i'd love to live with you forever." "ok! We can get some hypoallergenic cats or something!"

At this point I'm reminded of the verse in Hebrews 11 where the writer says time and space would fail him to write of the other heroes of faith....Time and space would fail me to describe William, Katie, Clay, Beau, Hannah, Danae, Andrea, Ashlyn, Alli, Jenna, Hayley, Rachel, Maria, Brianne, David S, Nikki, and so many more. God has given me so many people I don't deserve in my life, and I have so many examples to imitate. (Emma-tate?) I'm so excited for next year with these folks. It will certainly be different, but in so many good ways. Thanks for all the laughs and tears and encouragement this year. Jenna and Hayley can we be chapel buddies again next year? Okay great.

This summer so far has been sleep and scrapbooking and William and family and food and laundry. Tomorrow I start back at the text book store for a few weeks. June 6th I leave on CAMP FRIENDS tour, on an 8 week trip of madness to OH, MO, Chicagoland, MN. . . .Can't wait to spend way too much time in a van with Ashley and Caleb and Alli and Andrew. I know I'll learn a lot and have a blast. Then it's back with a couple of weeks to recover before I move back in and jump back into the school routine for my Junior year. American Civilization BA, here I come. :)

Music muses lately: John Legend, Jason Mraz, The Civil Wars, Justin Bieber (of course), Ben Rector. . . . Those are the flavors of my spring and summer.

Now I'm back to writing thank you notes to my amazing teachers, reading 1 John, texting my boyfriend, and listening to my Mom and Jesse getting things done around the house. What a blessed life I live.

I'll leave you with this thought from the book I'm reading, the writer is anonymous but it is quoted in Secure in the Everlasting Arms by Elisabeth Elliot. (Thanks, Kathryn)

"My goal is God Himself--not joy, nor peace
Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God.
'Tis His to lead me there, not mine, but His--
'At any cost, dear Lord, by any road!'

So faith bounds forward to its goal in God
And love can trust her Lord to lead her there;
Upheld by Him, my soul is following hard,
Till God hath full fulfilled my deepest prayer.

No matter if the way be sometimes dark,
No matter though the cost be oft-times great,
He knoweth how I best shall reach the mark--
The way that leads to Him must needs be strait.

One thing I know, I cannot say Him nay;
One thing I do, I press towards my Lord:
My God my glory here from day to day,
And in the glory there my Great Reward."

I pray that I'll have feet of iron, like Asher, to live out my days with strength and faith. I pray that I'll have sight like Jacob to see God's plan even when my eyes are dim. I pray that I'll live like Joseph and that my life will be a clear type of Christ. I pray that I'll follow God's plan even when it requires discomfort or change, like Abraham.

"Sometimes it's good to stop in the pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

I'm working on another blog this summer that will hopefully be less about ME and more about God. Join me and read it and tell me ways you have grown closer to Him, and hopefully this whole worldwideweb thing can be used to glorify Him and teach us some things this summer. Grow nearer with me here: growlearnlead.blogspot.com


I'm praying for you, pray for me too. Let's all stay near the cross this summer, and carry others to Jesus' feet. We have been shown unlimited grace, don't be stingy with God's love.

--ELB

I'll follow you into the dark

Wow.

I haven't posted in a while, and so much has happened in my life and my heart and my mind since I did. Obviously the 3 people who read my blog already know some of those changes, but I'm sick and sitting in my room watching the Duke/UNC game so I have time to express myself for a while.

At least once every day lately I've had a moment where I just thought about how blessed I am and it almost took my breath away. In the middle of 3 weeks of sickness, stressful and frustrating tests, and loads of Zeta responsibilities, I can't remember a time in my life when things have felt this focused and comfortable and just happy. It's been a rough few weeks and I feel pretty rundown, but I am so undeservedly blessed. And of course, noncommittal, negative me tends to second-guess my situation every time I have a takes-my-breath-away moment and think "oh great, this is all going to crash around me eventually and things will be harder than they've ever been." And I mean, that may be true. But thank you God for giving me a time of solace, comfort, refocusing, and learning. Because these past 2 months have definitely been that for me.

Firstly and most obviously, I have a boyfriend. Which is weird, surprising, fun, different, encouraging, and definitely wonderful. Our friendship started at a Luke Bible study where he made a comment that I thought was genius, and for weeks we just texted about scriptures we were studying, blessings we were counting, and ways we saw God working around us. Interest dawned slowly but surely and I can't express how good William is for me. My whiny nature, tendency to be constantly stressed, and lack of focus seem to have not scared him off yet, and he consistently helps me remember where my focus needs to be. No one tell him I'm crazy, please. He's pretty great. His family has been so welcoming, fun, sweet, and it's a blessing that both of our families live so close and can be involved in our relationship.

But that friendship isn't the only good thing happening for me. Scholarships, school, car prospects, all the things I tend to panic about and stress about are fitting together as I pray and sit back and God works. Bible studies and lessons I've heard fit everything together that I need to hear and I'm healing and growing and being challenged every single day I'm here. Our God's greatness really can't be exaggerated.


We talked in Luke a couple of weeks ago about Luke 12 and how we shouldn't worry about food, friends, grades, money, because worrying about those things just ties us down here and doesn't allow us to be ready to go when Jesus comes back. Anything that ties us down here is hindering us being alert and ready for Him, and hindering us from WANTING Him to come back. What a wake-up call.

In Genesis we talked about Jacob, and how until he leaves and runs from Esau, he's far from having a real relationship with God. And the Bible says that as he falls asleep at the place that would be Bethel "the sun goes down." Starting a time that was ridiculously challenging, dark, and traumatic for him and what would be his family. But when he comes through that time, the sun comes up and he has grown and begun a real relationship with God and tells God he won't let go of Him until He blesses Jacob, trusting that he'll receive what God's promised.

Tonight at Lutz we talked about Lamentations 3, and how Jeremiah has to deliver a terrible message, and sees abandonment all around him and almost in language like Job speaks of his body decaying and God being against him and people plotting against him. But Hebrews 13:15 says that God "will never leave you or forsake you." And Jeremiah knew healing only came from God. That God's faithfulness and mercy are new every day. That responsibility for sin lies with us, but that redemption lies with God. And He who punishes will heal again.

OUR challenge, then, is to use suffering to remind us not to be tied to this world, to use dark times to grow and be ready for the light to expose a new character of growth, and to see our trials and wait on the Lord's healing and mercy.

So many lessons I have needed and so much that I can learn from. It's seriously amazing that all these things tie together for lessons that encourage my growth so much.

Thank You, God, for these last few months with my wonderful and darling roommate who I can pray with and talk to and learn from daily/nightly. Thank You, God, for time with my visiting Sister and Gwen. Thank You, God, for a boyfriend who encourages me and respects me and reminds me who I need to be. Thank You, God, for parents who make sacrifices for me every day, and who I learn to appreciate more every day. Thank You, God, for Micah and Kathryn, and the time I've been able to spend close to them. I'm going to miss them so much.

Even if you're in the darkest place and can't find a light, we serve a God who can turn the light on. He's turned it off, He'll turn it back on and bring you out better and brighter for the darkness.

"Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God."

Love.
ELB

dead of winter but it feels like june with a smile i can't hide

Well, my third week of finals is past, which means my lower division work at FC is 3/4 over. Crazy. I feel like my whole life before FC was centered around FC, and now I live there, and I'm a little freaked out in realizing eventually this phase of my life will be past and I'll have to have a life that doesn't involve being around FC all the time. Scary.

Finals week was good, stressful and exhausting but my teachers allowed me to spread my finals out from all being on one day to being over the course of 3 days. And I am grateful for the grades I was able to get on the finals. Despite Greek's efforts to kill me. I moved home last Thursday and came back to work Friday morning, so I whine to myself that I haven't gotten to get a break yet, but it's nice to go home to good meals at night and see my family in the evenings and have my own room to hibernate in without (as many) interruptions. I'm grateful for the change of pace. (I'll keep telling myself that.)

Grateful for the examples and friendships of Katie and Emma and William, especially, over the past few stressful weeks, and grateful for the studies and devos that are available at FC to help us focus during busy times. Grateful for Dunkin Donuts and Jose. Grateful for chapel and the alma mater. Grateful for being a Camp Friends alternate if someone isn't able to participate. Grateful for Plant City people making me feel welcome even when I've been gone for a while. Grateful for an awesome family and the excitement that Christmas-time brings, and that gifts aren't what makes it special. Grateful for the chance to be in two weddings in the next 3 weeks, and for the family and friends I'll get to be with. Grateful that I get to do S.I. again next semester. Grateful for this job and that I'll have it over the summer also.

We are all so blessed.

William and I are studying Kings, and the theme is reaccuring that in everything Solomon was given and everything he did (before he got old) he found ways to express gratitude to God or glorify God. That's definitely something I need to work on, but I hope that this next year will bring me opportunities to show other people what God's done in my life and in my soul.

Classes next semester: OTP with Mr. Peeler, Civil War with Dr. Crispell, Women of the Bible with Mr. Ward, Epistles with Mr. Hamilton, Intro to Business with (my boss) Dr. Knight, Greek with Mr. Longstreth...It'll be fun and hectic and busy and interesting.

Already wishing I could slow down time after saying goodbye for Christmas break, I know summer and next year will be tinged with a lot of sadness for the friends who won't be back at FC (that means you, roomie), but it's pretty amazing that we'll all meet again in a place where we'll never be seperated and there'll be no petty drama to contend with (see what I did there?).

"O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like You, in heaven above or on earth beneath, keeping covenant and showing steadfast love to Your servants who walk before You with all their heart." -1Kings8:12

Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light :)

Love.
ELB

For all that You've done I will thank You

.thanksgiving.

my earthly family. my roommate. my best friends. my sister-in-laws. my house. my school. my teachers. the church at lutz. delicious food. air conditioning. good health. family quilts. sweet tea. genesis studies. singing hymns with my family. pecans. sweaters. pen and paper. emotions. books. forgiveness. compassion. memories. love. the chance to be grateful every day.

how great is our God?

oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?

Things I loved about banquet week:
1. Going with my best, kind, hardworking pal Clay
2. Free Chick-Fil-A and Sourpatch Kids for GBNTGD
3. Experiencing the ridiculousness that is Puss in Boots
4. The Melting Pot
5. Benji Payne's emceeing
6. Flawless clothing coordination
7. Having fun to look forward to after every stressful day
8. My wonderful dear friends Hannah and Katie being with me through it all
9. Second year in a row of doing GBNTGDs with Daniel Broadwell
10. Seeing the servants at FC help set up and take down banquet without being asked

Things I am looking forward to this week:
1. GOING HOME. For more than 3 hours.
2. Sleep.
3. Eggnog
4. Cooking with my Mom
5. Seeing my long lost brother Ben (oh, and Cara)
6. Singing with my family on Thanksgiving
7. Leaving my room clean
8. Sleeping in my own bed
9. Seeing Plant City people
10. Spending time with Grandma and Grandpa

Sometimes when I have scholarship essays to write, a 5 page paper, a Greek test, an incredibly messy room, and cry every time I think about a Thanksgiving without Mamaw, I just need to take a break and count a few of the reasons I have to be joyful. I'll miss these days before long, and I'm so grateful for them. No matter how stressed I get about money or friends or school or boys or the future, today is a blessing that I won't wish away.

Flavors of my week: Peppermint Mocha at Starbucks, Sour Patch Kids, Chicken Alfredo,  Maroon 5, Genesis, Blue Like Jazz, Alfred Hitchcock.

"Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise. I surrender all, I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all."

-ELB

when she was just a girl, she expected the world. but it flew away from her reach so she ran away in her sleep and dreamed of paradise.

Currently...

...listening to: Paradise, Coldplay

...obsessed with: Scarves and high heels

...thinking about: Getting my ears pierced again

...studying for: Greek and Epistles tests tomorrow

...wishing: Starbucks delivered

...with: Danae, Kelly, and Emma A. in the 4th floor study room

...excited for: Asking Clay Day tomorrow

On my mind?

-My wonderful wonderful friend Hannah surprised me and came Wednesday. Perfect end to a rough day, and such a fun part of this weekend.

-The Andy Grammer/Colbie Caillat concert Thursday night was amazing and so fun. I got to go with some of my favorite people and everything about it was fun.

-Studying Genesis Friday night was another incredibly interesting and challenging night. I'm so grateful for Micah and Daniel and the knowledge and effort they contribute and for God who has given us such an amazing story to learn from. Read Genesis 12 and 13 and think about these things:

• How if Sarai hadn't been fulfilling her role as a supporter and helpmeet and hadn't trusted Abram's lead as they travelled the world, his job as a leader and his job in trusting God's will for him would have been much, much harder. The fact that she isn't mentioned a lot shows me that she wasn't trying to make her wishes the focus of their family life, and allowed Abram to focus on God's wishes and promises. Impressive.
• When Abram travelled, he pitched a tent for the family but he built an altar everywhere they went. We should live like that, not focused on leaving behind our earthly accomplishments or comfort, but focused on merely leaving a legacy and reminder of God's glory everywhere we go.
• God told Abram "I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing." The blessings we are given aren't just for our benefit so we can sit back and enjoy them, they're given to us so we can share them and spread God's glory and influence to those around us. Don't just be grateful, ACT.

-Saturday I got to sleep in, I did homework, went to chat with my lifelong BFF David, went to a great play, had a homeschooled supremacy date with friends to Taco Bell, watched a movie....

-Today I heard a wonderful lesson on Philippians (JOY) and one on John 4 (TEACH), got to eat at Moe's with fun friends, napped, did an SI session, and began panicking about the week.

-Tomorrow: Greek test, Epistles, piano lesson, Bible study, Zeta delivery, study for Psych test Wednesday, work on paper, prepare SI sessions. . . .

Coffee and I are going to get very close this week. I've been cutting back, really.

Also, Mamaw's been free from pain for 6 months now. I miss her, and it hurts, but I'm so grateful for the peace she has and the chance that I'll get to see her soon.

Food for thought today: 
It's not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy.


Life is wonderful.


-ELB